By Susan Cushing
Published in the January 2024 Issue of Memento Mori
Grief is an integral part of the human experience, a natural response to loss that can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Coping with the loss of a loved one can be an isolating journey, often leaving individuals feeling lost and alone even when surrounded by people who care. Amid the darkness, friends and family may try to share the burden or in some way alleviate the pain. But as anyone who has experienced this tribulation knows, there is virtually nothing that can be said or done.
Breaking through this heavy cloud is Spark of Life, a nonprofit organization helping individuals cope with grief in a transformative way. Emerging as a beacon of hope, offering a fresh and unique approach to the grieving process, Spark of Life was born as the result of the cofounders’ own grief. Literally offering a chance to get away from it all, Spark of Life offers carefully planned and supervised trips as well as both online and in-person courses and counseling.
Executive Director and co-founder of this inspirational program is David Mathews, a certified grief recovery coach. David holds a master’s degree in substance abuse counseling, but he and his wife, Debbie, turned their focus on the onerous obstacles of grieving after losing their young grandson.
“My life’s work has been as a pastor, doing pastoral counseling, specifically in substance abuse, David explains, “but in 2007, our oldest grandson died. In addition to what we were feeling, Debbie and I had the pain of watching our son and daughter-in-law struggle with this profound loss. We felt compelled to do something, anything that would help move us in a positive direction. That was basically the birth of Spark of Life.”
This compelling and compassionate program, whose focus is on “living forward,” brings the concept of grief support to a whole new level, taking small groups of individuals on three-day retreats where every aspect of the grieving process is explored and so much more.
Their mission statement conveys this original concept:
Spark of Life exists to instill hope that, though life can never be the same after loss, it can be rich and fulfilling. We are here to walk beside you on that journey, and hope begins now.
A New Path
Spark of Life is not your typical grief support. With a highly trained, compassionate staff of certified grief specialists, they offer a holistic and creative approach to healing from grief. Their philosophy centers on the idea that grief is not something to be “fixed” or “cured” but rather a natural process that can be transformed into asource of personal growth and resilience.
Spark of Life offers unique grief getaways that provide a change of environment and perspective. These retreats take participants to serene and healing locations where the idea is to immerse oneself in a rejuvenating environment that facilitates emotional healing. The combination of the natural beauty of the surroundings and the supportive group dynamic fosters profound healing experiences.
“We had been doing three-day workshops as part of marriage counseling,” says David, “and we knew that three-day intensives change lives. So, we decided to apply this to grief. We started Spark of Life to offer hope to those who have suffered loss. Having conducted retreats in the past, we knew that three nights in one place can really multiply the group’s cohesion.
The retreats run from Thursday night through Sunday. “I want to be clear, this is not a religious retreat,” says David, “we don’t want to scare people thinking that these retreats are some kind of conversion program. They are open to anyone experiencing any kind of loss.”
Choosing Locations
David and Debbie conducted their first grief retreat in 2009 and were delighted with not only the response but the tremendous success of the event. Carefully selecting locations, over 120 retreats have been held in 11 different states with more than 2,000 people having participated over the years. The couple has arranged trips to places such as Alaska, Tennessee, and Kentucky among other locations.
In addition to choosing the optimum locales, David and Debbie also ensure that every aspect of the retreat is carefully planned and orchestrated to provide a safe, congenial, and inspiring experience.
“Meals are an important part of the weekend,” says David. “On Saturday night, we have a wonderful cookout; and for the other meals, we always bring our own chef who is great, creating imaginative, healthy, and tasty meals. The group gathers for every meal as we’ve found this is a wonderful time to become better acquainted and share stories in a pleasant, social setting. Those are some of the richest times—sitting around a table together, we do a lot of laughing and a lot of crying.”
In each idyllic setting, participants are encouraged to express their emotions and connect with others who are on a similar journey. Coming from all walks of life, with unique experiences, individuals are surrounded by others who not only share their feelings of pain and loss, but who are also there to find a way out of this milieu of hopelessness.
“We emphasize that while you may feel hopeless, you are not without hope,” says David. “The purpose for those who come through our retreats is to have more hope, to live forward, and have a healthier recovery than they’ve ever had. We always say, ‘we can’t take away your pain, we can’t make the loss go away, what we can do is show you how to live forward.’ Because you can live forward and have joy and purpose again.”
Participants come together to share their stories, learn from each other’s experiences and foster deep connections that extend beyond the weekend. This sense of belonging and understanding is a powerful catalyst for healing.
While the entire group meets together for most of the weekend, there are times when they break into smaller groups, usually men and women in different groups because as David says, “We find men have a harder time opening up when there are women present.”
These smaller groups tend to get more personal, and everything discussed is naturally kept confidential. However, there is plenty of time for participants to be on their own—whether they choose to use this time for quiet introspection, long walks, or just relaxing, David says this free time is equally important.
Unique Offerings
Spark of Life’s online courses are at the heart of their transformative approach. Participants are encouraged to express their emotions and connect with others who are on a similar journey. These classes are designed to create a safe and compassionate space where individuals can explore their grief in-depth. These courses incorporate various creative elements in a carefully outlined five-step approach.
The five sessions include:
- Understand Grief Like Never Before
- Gain a New Look at the Possibility of Recovery
- Find the Permanent Pathway
- Turn Your Anchors to Sails
- Discover the Two Secret “Sauces”
One of the most remarkable aspects of Spark of Life is the emphasis on each person’s unique grief journey, and to this end, they offer personalized, one-on-one online coaching. The organization recognizes that no two individuals grieve in the same way and the compassionate, highly trained, and experienced staff of grief specialists understands this and thereby might use different methods to accommodate this diversity.
“For instance,” notes David, “we’ve discovered that suicide can have a wholly different effect on loved ones than say a natural death. It’s a much more complicated set of emotions and typically creates complex feelings of guilt and regret along with the usual sense of loss.”
The Gift of Hope
According to David and Debbie, Spark of Life has frequently worked with many different funeral homes, providing information about both the retreats as well as their online services. Brochures and other materials are available to those funeral directors who might want to provide this option to their patrons.
More recently, Spark of Life has begun offering gift certificates. A wonderful alternative to the usual flowers or other condolences, these gift certificates make it easy for friends and relatives to provide the gift of hope to those in mourning.
Whether it’s for a fabulous weekend retreat, an online course, or one-on-one grief coaching, purchasing a gift certificate for someone who is experiencing the pain of losing someone is perhaps the single most tangible way of helping.
Grief is a deeply personal and often painful experience, but Spark of Life is shining a light on a new and unique way to approach it. Through their innovative retreats, online courses, and one-on-one coaching, they are helping individuals transform their grief into a source of strength, resilience, and personal growth.
In a world where grief can be isolating and overwhelming, Spark of Life offers a community of support and a path to healing that is both refreshing and inspiring.
“Loss can leave you overwhelmed and alone, struggling to keep your head above water in a raging sea of grief,” says David. “But grief and loss do not have to suck the life out of you. Spark of Life is a pathway to healing.”
Susan Cushing is a regular contributor to Memento Mori magazine.
